The Biggest Dick In America

Does anyone else want to kill Dick Cheney? I mean put both hands around his fat, fleshy windpipe and just choke the life out of the bastard? Or get not-quite-falling-down drunk and shoot him in the face with a shotgun? How about hang him from the end of a good, sturdy rope and film it all with a cell phone camera? Maybe just waterboard him once a day for every American who’s been killed or wounded in Iraq…

Some of us knew for dead certain what a monumental fuck-up George W. Bush was going to be as President of the United States long before five traitorous members of the U.S. Supreme Court colluded with Jeb Bush and ChoicePoint, Inc. to install him in that office nearly six years ago today.

And we understood that Dick Cheney — not Karl Rove — was the evil mastermind behind everything that was about to go wrong with America.

We saw the danger Dick Cheney and all the foaming-at-the-mouth holdovers from the Reagan administration who rode in with Mr. Bush presented a nation just waking up to the irrational exuberance brought on by the greatest peacetime expansion of our economy ever. We knew exactly where all that newly created wealth was about to go.

We understood the hatred, and the fear, and the bile men like Dick Cheney have for people who believe in freedom and democracy and fairness; we’d seen what they did in places like Guatemala, El Slavador, and Nicaragua to people who thought maybe those in the oil and gas business aren’t the rightful owners of all the riches of the earth.

We skoffed when Dick Cheney claimed the U.S. military would be “greeted as liberators” in Iraq. We knew there was not a shred of likelihood that Iraq’s oil would make our war there “pay for itself” or for the costs of reconstructing that devastated land.

We howled with laughter (in a bitter kind of way) a year and a half ago, when Dick Cheney told the increasing number of people who were beginning to understand just how badly our war there has been managed, “the insurgency in Iraq is in its last throes.”

But there was Dick Cheney in the U.S. Capitol last night, while his doofus puppet of a “boss” tried to make us all forget the bluster, and the swagger, and the lies, and the ineptitude with which he has botched his shift at the helm. There sat the biggest Dick in America, looking like a man with a mouthful of lemons, like a man seething under the restrictions and the oversight of a Congress and a constitution, and of a population in whom power is actually vested, though rarely used.

Dick Cheney is the man behind the curtain in the awful tragedy playing itself out on the world stage today. He is the man who should be forced to meet with the families of U.S. soldiers who are being sacrificed on the altar of his lust for wealth and power in Iraq. He is the man to whose account the costs of our failure to remake the Middle East should be charged.

Dick Cheney is the man behind the largest transference of public wealth to private hands in the history of mankind, the man who enabled his colleagues in the oil and gas industries, in the arms industry, and in the military procurement industry to pocket trillions of dollars that rightfully belonged to the citizens of this nation and to its as-yet-unborn children.

Dick Cheney is the architect of an energy policy that has seen the price of crude oil skyrocket, the price of gasoline and natural gas eat up ever-larger portions of U.S. consumers’ budgets, and which promises to grow more onerous to you and me, while providing even greater windfall profits to Dick Cheney and Dick Cheney’s friends in the future.

Dick Cheney is unrepentant and unflagging in his belief that he is right and we are wrong.

He told Wolf Blitzer on CNN this morning, “There is not [a terrible situation in Iraq today]…there’s been a lot of success.” He was referring to the removal from power of Saddam Hussein, the writing of a constitution, and the formation of a democratically elected (though dysfunctional, corrupt, and impotent) government there, which, Dick Cheney knows, is about as meaningful to the lives and the “situation” of everyday Iraqis as he would like to see our constitution and our government be to everyday citizens of the United States.

Dick Cheney is a man who thinks Hillary Clinton would not make a good president “because she’s a Democrat.” He is a man who is clearly not at ease with his president’s (however empty) gestures of conciliation toward the new majority party in Congress, a man who clearly would like the people of the United States and the “talking heads” of the media to “go fuck yourself” while he and his friends at Halliburton fix the problems of this world.

Dick Cheney is the man we ought to be talking about impeaching first.

Comments

  1. Jon (Pud) Heller - January 24, 2007 @ 8:21 pm

    Lon…you and my almost 83 year-old pop would get along so well together…SO well, he just might want to adopt you as a 5th child. While he’s all thumbs when it comes to computers, no doubt he’ll be reading with great joy about the biggest dick in America when I print this out for him. BRAVO!!

  2. lonbud - January 26, 2007 @ 8:36 am

    Well, Pud, there you go. I wish there were more people like you and your pop around. My little screed above caused others on my mailing list to ask to be removed, and also resulted in a dip in my number of friends on MySpace.

    At this point, I’m not certain whether people were genuinely offended by the tenor or content of the remarks or just afraid to be somehow associated with someone willing to express such sentiment in a public forum.

    As the facts would have it, news out of the Scooter Libby trial today reveals a conscious effort on the part of the Vice President’s office to “control the message” in the wake of the leaking of Valerie Plame’s name and occupation to the media and in the run-up to war in Iraq.

    Other news reveal’s Cheney’s efforts to hamstring Congress in its oversight responsibilities.

    Truth to power, baby; truth to power.

  3. George Powell - January 26, 2007 @ 10:04 am

    Your Cheney screed was quite tame compared to my main screed-man, the Rude Pundit, who makes Hunter S. Thompson (RIP) seem restrained.

    You may or may not know that the Lyndon LaRouchies are advocating the same thing you recommend … forget about impeaching Bush and go full bore after Cheney. His vision is genuinely evil and dangerous, as well as being delusional to the extreme. So, I say, impeach the S.O.B., and impeach him now!

  4. Tam O’Tellico - January 29, 2007 @ 6:31 am

    A lot of people seem to think Big Dick Cheney is a genius, but he is a con-man and a sociopath. Cheney is a sneering, back-stabbing little twit who has managed to make a damned good life for himself and his well-connected friends by scamming the system. Except for the scale of his duplicity, fraud and extortion, he is no different than Tom DeLame, Dupe CunningHam or Jack OffBraham.

    Upon further review, Dick Cheney may be far worse than an Oily Charlatan – if he gets his way, he may well be the Anti-Christ. You remember the Anti-Christ – the False Prophet who wants to bring on Armageddon for his own ends.

    Not sure whether Cheney actually believes all this Armageddon bullshit, but Bush might. But in Cheney’s case, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that he will pursue the NeoConMan Policy because he and his friends in Big Oil and Halliburton will profit handsomely from the conflagration.

    I understand why the Far-Right Freak Show welcomes this pugnacious panty-waist – like Cheney, they want to set the world on fire. With that awful aim, they are little different from the Fundamentalist Freaks on the other side who want to do the same thing.

    The propagandists prefer to call it a “clash of civilizations”, but there is nothing civilized about their aims. They know full well they are throwing fuel on the fire for people like my next door neighbor who said before the war started that this isn’t over until 3 billion Muslims are dead.

    Or like the young National Guard member who spent the weekend with us before being deployed to Mexico. (I didn’t have the heart to tell him this sudden interest in guarding the Mexican border probably has more to do with the fact that it is good training ground for Iraq). This young man will probably be redeployed to Iraq, sent there to execute the new smarter policy advocated by General Patreus, a firmer, but kinder and gentler “interface” with Iraqis.

    Problem is, it’s hard to imagine that policy being successfully executed by a young man who told me he was pissed at Bush for not having nuked Iraq, Iran and Syria at the outset. Interface hell, that’s inyourface!

  5. lonbud - January 29, 2007 @ 7:04 am

    The analysis of Cheney as uber-villain would appear to be spot-on. At least, I’m pleased to land on the same side of the question as Pud, Tam O’, The Rude Pundit, and Jon Stewart.

    Lord help us all…

  6. Tam O’Tellico - January 29, 2007 @ 9:35 pm

    I am a bit puzzled by the disappearance of Apologist-In-Chief Michael Herdegen. Can it be that even he has finally seen the light? Or maybe he has been down-sized and outsourced like the rest of America, and his struggle to get by on $10,000 a year no longer leaves him time to contribute his Far Side Free-Market Folly to this forum.

  7. lonbud - January 30, 2007 @ 8:01 pm

    I suspect Michael’s scarcity here mirrors to a great degree my own from a few rabid right-wing, neocon, libertarian, zionist, fundamentalist-christian blogs I once frequented.

    Especially in the heady days before the 2004 Presidential election, and on through the mid-terms of the year past — in addition to attempting to give voice here to a reasoned, sane view of the events unfolding around us — I spent many hours exposing myself to the vitriol and myopia found at sites like Brothers Judd, Atlas Shrugs, Little Green Footballs, and Michelle Malkin, among others.

    I’m proud to say, despite the often heated rhetoric Michael inspired here, no one ever called him an ass-wipe, a fuck-tard, or a shit-for-brains, and no one ever threatened him with death or bodily harm, as happened routinely to me on those sites.

    In a way, I think the Democrats’ sweep in ’06 and the dawning realization that Iraq is a quagmire with implications for America and her interests that are more dire and far-reaching than anything we had to endure as a result of our mis-calculations in Vietnam has caused something of a retreat to neutral corners — or at least a return to the womb — for many.

    Not to worry, though, Tam O’ — the battle is sure to be joined again before long.

  8. bubbles - January 30, 2007 @ 11:47 pm

    Anybody else notice murmurs of a co-equal branch of government? After such a long respite it almost feels strange… who are these representatives? Oh that’s right they’re treasonous politically motivated partisans in service of the secular progressives pursuing the agenda of the terrorists –defeating the troops-.

  9. lonbud - January 31, 2007 @ 1:05 am

    I don’t know.

    I see no retreat from the bulwarks of the Unitary Executive amongst the West Wingers. w has implemented government by signing statement and executive order in a public and unapologetic manner, and seems to regard the representatives of the people as personalities to be managed at press gaggles and photo ops.

    Three cheers for the goose in the minimum wage, but I want to see heads on pikes, goddammit!

  10. Paul Burke - January 31, 2007 @ 8:35 am

    I used to work in D.C. Cheney has been at this a lonnggg time – he’s fucked up more stuff than you can imagine with his cock sure attitude – the minute he said he couldn’t find a better VP for “W” – I knew we were in for it – I just hope we can slow things down until we get rid of the bastard. Another friend of mine in D.C. has had the pleasure of delivering “items” to his home – he doesn’t have very many nice things to say about the man or the arrogant assholes around him.

    I can’t believe the American public and the media tolerate his condescending attitude and back down at his bark. He is the complete opposite of what is great about this country.

  11. Michael Herdegen - February 2, 2007 @ 5:51 pm

    I suspect Michael’s scarcity here mirrors to a great degree my own from a few rabid right-wing, neocon, libertarian, zionist, fundamentalist-christian blogs I once frequented.

    Spot on.

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